Tag Archives: children

Can I Raise My Child to Choose Jesus?

Colette Fabry, Co-Author of awriteheart.com[blockquote cite=”Proverbs 22:6″ type=”center”]”Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” [/blockquote]

This verse is one that Christian parents hang on to with everything they have while raising children.  I know I did.  All three times, from the moment I knew that I was going to be a mom, I began to pray that my child would grow to be all that God would have him to be…that God would bring him to a complete understanding and acceptance of Jesus and that he would follow the principles of God every day of his life. If there was a way to ensure my child’s salvation I was determined to find it and do it no matter what. Who wouldn’t.  Is there a way to make sure our kids choose Jesus?

I know many people who were raised in Christian homes and yet DIDN’T choose Jesus.  I watched it happen too many times to count. Recently a mother of a rebellious teen asked me, “Doesn’t the Bible say that if we train our children in the ways of God then they won’t turn away?  Isn’t there a promise that says when they are old that they will come back to the Lord?”  After examining Scripture I am certain that this verse does NOT mean what many people think it means.  It can’t.  Even Solomon, who wrote Proverbs 22:6  had a son named Rehoboam who turned from the LORD.  Rehoboams last 17 years is explained like this “..he did evil, because he prepared not his heart to seek the LORD” 2 Chronicles 12:14.

Godly training is extremely important. I believe that what Proverbs 22:6 means is that all the training a parent puts into their child will never leave him.  And, he will never leave the training; It will always be a part of him. Parents can’t accept Jesus FOR their children or make Godly decisions FOR them.  But they do have the privilege of showing Jesus to them in hopes that they will follow Him. Brooklyn Tabernacle’s Pastor, Jim Cymbala, has a daughter who walked away from her faith and her family.  After several years of living in sin, she laid in her bed unable to sleep, listening to NYC traffic in the middle of the night.  The Holy Spirit brought to mind what she had been taught.  She wept as she remembered the Godly songs and Scripture that had been poured into her.She gave her life to Jesus that night and reconciled with her parents that very day.  Thank God she couldn’t depart from the training of her parents!

I recently asked several people who never left their faith WHY they chose to be faithful to what they were taught in their Christian homes. I really enjoyed reading their answers.  Their words are filled with wisdom, especially for those who are raising children.  It is clear that Godly training led them to genuine faith in Jesus. This is what they wrote.

[line]

I am a 4th generation Christian. I was raised by parents who taught me right from wrong, how to pray, how to love God, how to be obedient, and so many good things. They showed me what real Christianity looks like…what a real Christian is.  I was saved and baptized at an early age.  I never had a desire to leave my faith. I really believe that what I was taught was truth.  I didn’t stray because I love God.”  Janel, age 21

[line]

I am a 2nd generation Christian. I was raised in a home where my parents taught me a lot of good things.  We worked and played hard but Jesus always came first.  I have been around church and Christians my whole life and I’ve never heard of one single person that has regretted living for God.  Quite the opposite.  Many people who look back on their lives have an overwhelming regret that they wasted time and didn’t spend time on things that affect eternity.  I am thankful that I learned the Bible and grew up with Believers.  I’ve had to face some very tough times and without God and my church family I couldn’t have gotten through. I see things differently when I think about the truth of eternity.”  Brett, age 31

[line]

I am a 3rd generation Christian although I can trace Christianity in my family a lot farther back than that.  Why didn’t I leave my faith when I was old enough?  I saw an amazing, positive, genuine Christianity lived out in my parents lives.  They were not perfect, but they were real Christians.  They never spoke bad of others in our church, they loved being at church and they lived the same way at home as out of the home.  They told me how happy they were that Jesus saved them and lived that way….grateful for Jesus.  When I was old enough to make the choice: is my parents God going to be my God?  Well, it wasn’t a choice at all.  I wanted God and all that came with that.  I’ve never, ever regretted my decision.  Sue, age 51

[line]

I am a 2nd generation Christian. Honestly, what kept me choosing Jesus is that my parents practiced what they preached.  How they acted at church was how they acted at home.  I watched them filter everything through the Bible and do their best to please God.  They were happy and fun and didn’t make following Jesus look like a chore or a list of  “don’ts”  They thanked and praised God for everything.   I wanted God for myself and to live for God the way that they did.”  Brie, age 34

[line]

“I am a 3rd generation Christian. From as young as I can remember I was taught about Jesus. I learned who He is and about relationship with Him. If I chose one reason that I stayed faithful to God and Christianity I would have to link it back to the way Jesus was introduced to me.  It wasn’t about attending church… it was because I was taught and then understood about having a relationship with Jesus. About what He did for us so He could be with us.”  Matt, age 31

[line]

“I am a 3rd generation Christian.  The reason I stayed faithful to God and how I was raised was because I was shown true Christianity.  Although I made some mistakes and poor choices I learned from them.  I learned that what I was taught is truth.  I was taught to hate sin and love grace; that all sin will eventually lead to destruction and that Gods grace is a gift to me.   I had to experience it as a young adult to really believe it for myself.  I am thankful that I was raised in a Christian home.  I am even more thankful for my salvation.”  Jake, age 29

[line]

“I am a 4th generation Christian. Why didn’t I walk away from Christianity like some people do? My parents stressed the importance of having a relationship with Jesus and they lived it out in their own lives.  They didn’t have extreme rules or man made standards for my brothers and I.  They, along with so many Christians, modeled the love of Christ to me.  Because of that I want to go to church and  grow in my relationship with God.”  Kyle, age 26

“I am a 3rd generation Christian.  My parents taught me to put Christ first in everything, how every decision I make should reflect what God wants and to love others like Christ does.  They modeled this for me.  They encouraged me to learn from the positive and negative examples of others. I didn’t walk away from my faith because I realized that Gods commands are there for my protection and because He loves me.  My faith in God became my own. I want to please the Lord with my life because of all that He has done for me.”  Kaitlin, age 26

[line]

“I am a 3rd generation Christian.  Why didn’t I walk away from my faith? My parents taught me true Christianity.  To love God and to compassionately love people.  My parents had good balance with rules in my life and they lived by the same rules. I desired the Jesus that my parents pointed me to.  He was real to them and I wanted that in my life.”  Sarah, age 22

[line]

“I’m a 3rd generation Christian.  Why did I choose to stay faithful to what I was taught? My parents did their best to practice what they preached.  They backed everything they taught me with real love. I’m thankful that my parents actually “parented” me. They taught, instructed, disciplined and loved me. They glorified God in our home. I knew God was real because I saw Him in my mom and dads life.  It was during a difficult time in my life that my grandfather, a preacher, pointed me to Jesus. That was when Jesus became real to me and  I chose Him for myself.”    Jared, age 29

[line]

“I am a 4th generation Christian.  My parents demonstrated how to love God and how to faithfully serve Him. They showed generosity and hospitality to others, had a hunger for Gods Word and showed me the power of prayer.  I grew up in a church where people encouraged and invested in me.  All of these factors surely influenced who I am today.  I am thankful for my heritage but this didn’t make me a Christ follower.  I repented of my sin and asked Jesus to be my Savior at a young age.  After 38 years, even though I have not always been faithful Jesus has always been faithful to me.  Why didn’t I walk away from Christianity?  Because I love Jesus.  If my faith was based on the behavior of others, the circumstances of life or my own ability to measure up to Gods glory, I too might depart.  But I am compelled to look at Jesus.  Is it the prayers and godly example of  the generations before or saturation of the scriptures that give me power to stand fast? Here lies the mystery and power of the Spirit of God.  We can do the very best we know how to do, but its the Spirit of God that draws people to Himself.”  Michele, 43

[line]

Can we raise our children to choose Jesus? No. That is a choice that is theirs alone. But we can do our best to model our love for Jesus to them.  I never asked the people above to tell me what their parents did right or to give credit to them.  The question was simply, “why didn’t you walk away from your faith like so many do?”  I think it’s interesting that all of them pointed out that their parents genuinely modeled Jesus. If I could live motherhood again, I would pour even more of Jesus into my children than I did. More of Jesus and less of everything else. Because in reality it is He thats makes life stable, wise, successful, and purposeful!  In Deuteronomy 6, God gives the Israelites clear instruction before they entered a new land, where there would be unbelievers who would influence their children to turn away from thier faith. He told them to teach their children the laws. Teach them to love the Lord with all their heart, soul and might. He told them to remind their children of all the things that God had done, like how he rescued them from bondage and all the miracles in the desert. All so that their faith might be strong and continue from one generation to the next. Don’t get weary in training….It may be the very avenue that is used so that your child chooses Jesus!

“When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in they grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that it is in thee also” 2 Timothy 1:5

[custom_headline type=”right” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”]Great Is Thy Faithfulness, Colette[/custom_headline]

Feature photo attribution: flickr photo by Philippe Put http://flickr.com/photos/34547181@N00/15589452139 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

So, you want to raise amazing, stable and successful kids?

Colette Fabry, Co-Author of awriteheart.com[blockquote cite=”Lisa Wingate, Author” type=”center”]Your children are the greatest gift God will give you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility He will place in your hands.  Take time with them, teach them to have faith in God.  Be a person in whom they can have faith.  When you are old, nothing else you’ve done will have mattered as much.  [/blockquote]

Over the course of my life, specifically the past 16 years as a counselor, I’ve met some really terrific parents. And, sadly, I’ve worked with parents who shouldn’t be parents. One forced her daughter, as discipline, to eat next to the dog and his bowl on her hands and knees with no utensils. Another thought good training was to lock her child in the cold basement in the dark so she could think about what she had done wrong. The parent was sure to remind the young girl to watch out for spiders. When I asked, no one in the room could remember the offense. No surprise there. And not that it even mattered what the child had done. No child deserves that. Obviously some people don’t understand the privilege and responsibility it is to raise kids. We need a license and training for many things… to drive a jet ski, to cut someones hair or polish toenails professionally. But to raise kids nothing is required. I look at the effort and money that parents put into their children’s sports or dance lessons. Or how much is put into making them dress cute or creating their elaborate birthday celebration. My point being that the real important things are often let go. Many of the things below….things that make up a responsible and stable adult….are often never addressed. It’s disheartening.

[pullquote cite=”Charles Portis, Author” type=”right”]If I had received good instruction as a child I would be with my family today and at peace with my neighbors.  I hope and pray that all you parents in the sound of my voice will train up your child in the way they should go.  [/pullquote]After meeting with a struggling, rebellious teen boy and his parents recently, I compiled the following list. I sat alone and wondered if this teen would have turned out differently had these things been poured into him. I do, however, understand the concept of free will and wrong choices that have nothing or little to do with parents. Teens sometimes just choose to do wrong things even with good parenting. I remind those parents that they did their best and that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. That even God’s children, in the garden of Eden, chose to do wrong. I also remind them to continue to pray for their child because their story isn’t over yet. It is not my intent to cast blame on hurting parents. I would never do that. It is my intent to encourage parents to deliberately and intentionally pour good and excellent training into their children.

It takes an awful lot of intention and dedication to be a great parent.  The following list is for the many parents who desire to do a great job training their kids. I commend and pray for you as you diligently work at such an important task… raising amazing, stable and successful adults.

Teach kids how to problem solve.

Teaching your kids to problem solve starts early. When they don’t know what to do because their toys are being taken or how to get along with their siblings….these are teachable moments to help your kids problem solve. Parents can grow impatient and just say things like “stop fighting” instead of actually helping children to solve problems. Parents may say “go to your room” because they don’t want to be bothered. Kids need help problem solving. They need to learn how to resolve conflict in their life and if they don’t get help they will grow continually frustrated and angry.

Teach kids to manage emotions.

It is proven that people who have high emotional intelligence are the most successful people on the planet. Someone can have an extremely high IQ but not know how to deal appropriately with emotions, the emotions of others or their own.  That person will struggle through life. It is also true that before most sins were committed in the Bible, there was an out of control emotion that preceded the sin. One of the first examples of this is Cain, who was angry and jealous. He then murdered his brother. Teaching your kids to handle emotions is one of the most important things a parent can do. I see many parents who yell and scream out of anger and then are baffled when they see the same behavior in their children.

Teach kids what to do when they are tempted to do wrong.

Many parents want to avoid this one altogether. They think, maybe if their kids are protected from the temptation it won’t be a temptation at all? Or maybe if issues aren’t talked about, then it won’t ever be an issue? Truth is, kids of all ages need to learn what to do when, not if, temptation comes into their lives. A wise parent discusses hard topics. How I wish I could relive this one with my grown sons when they were young. Unintentionally I think I left them on their own to fight some temptation that came their way. Now as a counselor and in hindsight, I see the huge importance of this training.

Teach kids to show respect.

Respect is essential to being a stable, successful and respected adult. The most amazing people I know have respect for God, others, authority, themselves, and life.

Teach kids how to give.

Kids are natural takers. It takes training to show them the blessing of being givers.

Teach kids to love others.

This is one of the greatest commands in the Bible. I believe that too many kids are modeling the behavior of critical parents and listening in on conversations that are unloving to each other and about others. Loving others is key to understanding God the Fathers heart.

Teach kids what being a real Christian is.

A real Christian is one who loves and abides in Jesus and His good news, the gospel. A real christian loves God and loves others in practical ways. Without this training they won’t understand their purpose on this earth. All throughout scripture we are told to “Love the Lord with all of our hearts”.  The truth is that once God has our hearts, their hearts, then all of the other things fall into place.

Teach kids how to manage technology.

Otherwise, just like emotions, technology will manage them.

Teach kids how to communicate effectively.

The skill of communication is so vitally important to having success in relationships and in this life. Much of my counseling with adults is helping them to communicate appropriately. It amazes me when I ask the question “What is negative communication?” and people struggle with the answer. It’s as if they have never been taught what is appropriate to say and what isn’t. Actually, maybe they haven’t? Effective communication is a great gift and teaching your kids to master this art will do them well.

Teach kids to stand up for what is right.

There was an elderly bus monitor being horribly abused on a Greece NY school bus by a group of Junior high boys. Someone video taped the incident, it went viral and then made national news. I spoke with several kids who attended school with those boys. When asked what they would have done if they were on the bus they all answered “nothing”. Digging deeper, I found that they all knew that an elderly person being abused was wrong, but they didn’t know what to do about it. So they decided that they would do nothing had they been in the presence of the abuse. What if one of those kids on the bus had simply texted a parent for help? Kids need to be taught how to stand up for what it right. Or they won’t.

Teach kids how to set goals and how to work hard at reaching them.

Successful people are goal setters and hard workers. It’s not a natural thing for most people to accomplish this important life skill. Ask any hard working person and they will tell you of someone who modeled that for them.

Teach your child what to do when they have messed up.

Teach them how to be restored to others and to God. Many kids that I work with have guilty and shame-based consciences. This always produces anger and acting out. They are relieved when they are given a plan of restoration. Kids have a hard time separating who they are from their wrong doing. I’m so thankful for the gospel of Jesus that separates me, and who I am in Christ, from my sin.

There is more that could be added to the list above….how to handle money, to be disciplined, to eat healthy. But I encourage parents to at least think on this list and ask for Gods wisdom as you intentionally train your kids. You will never regret that you taught these things.

God the Father, as always, is our greatest example of a good and loving parent. He came to the earth incarnate to walk out a living example for us to follow. He doesn’t over correct, over control, or over discipline his children. Nor is He slack in His instruction. He is a balanced and good father who trains us continually.

The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

[blockquote cite=”Colette Fabry” type=”center”]The goal in parenting is not to create perfect kids or to be perfect parents. There is no such thing. The goal is for flawed parents to consistently model the beautiful message of the gospel. In real life.  In real time. Every moment of every day. And thats only possible through abiding in Christ and He in us.  [/blockquote]

[custom_headline type=”right” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”]Give me Jesus, Colette[/custom_headline]

[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/4761764740_03ae8d52b0_z.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]FREE Printable from Yellow Sparrow Studio![/custom_headline]

 

PrintableLowResSubscribe to our email newsletter (click HERE), follow us on Instagram (click HERE), like us on Facebook (click HERE), or share our post on any media…and you’ll receive a FREE printable from Yellow Sparrow Studio!!! This custom piece was created just for our September 1st post by Becky Bennett, and we are so excited to be able to give it to YOU!!!

If you subscribe, we’ll have all the info we need…but if you follow, like, or share, please email awriteheart@gmail.com to let us know your email address!!!

Thanks to Yellow Sparrow Studio for the artwork!!!
[/content_band]
Feature photo attribution: flickr photo by Stefano Montagner – The life around me http://flickr.com/photos/stemonx/14131455489 shared under a Creative Commons (BY)

getting ready to let go

Becky BennettAbout the author: Becky Bennett is the wife of a bearded-hipster-worship-leader and is the mother of three small children, Ava (5), Avianna (3), and Jack (1). Becky was diagnosed with a life-altering nerve disorder called CRPS in October of 2014 and is determined to choose joy in suffering. Originally from Maine, Becky now lives in Webster, NY, where she and her family love being a part of Northridge Church. Becky is a writer, a dancer, a singer, an artist, and a dreamer. Her greatest passion is Jesus. You can follow her journey at ToChooseJoy.blogspot.com.

[line]

Becky Bennett - AvaThis week, my dear little first-born is heading off to kindergarten. Like so many mommas who have gone before me, I’m transitioning into the place where I have to let go. As she sets her little light-up-sneakered foot onto the soil of her new school, she is stepping into the beginning of a lifetime of choices that will happen outside of my home, outside of my reach. The questions she will have to answer are about to get much more serious than, “Would you like grilled cheese or peanut butter?”

It is in these first few steps that I have to release from my arms the baby who taught me what it meant to labor and to ache but to keep my eyes on hope and on the prize of my pain. In the same way that I had to breathe deeply and walk away from her crib at night, wondering if she would keep on breathing when I did, I have to let go of the fear of what might happen to her when my eyes aren’t on her. I would suffer anything if it meant that she didn’t have to experience pain. But I can’t do that for her. I cannot choose the trials that she will have to face.

Becky BennettIt’s been three decades since my own mom set out on this journey with me — the journey of letting go. I wonder what was it like for my mom when she stood on the other end of the phone line while my husband told her, from the hospital, that our life was going to change forever because I had just been diagnosed with a disease with no cure. In that very moment, she was in another hospital hundreds of miles away, where my dad was having surgery for cancer. I wonder how many times her stomach turned I wonder what her grief must have felt like.  A mom — having to let go.

wheelchair-2For all of the years that she spent lovingly preparing me for possible decisions and potential scenarios, my mom couldn’t choose my next steps for me as I faced loss after debilitating loss. She couldn’t give me back my legs when they were pulled out from underneath me, and my dancer-mobility was replaced with a wheelchair and a hopeful pair of crutches. She couldn’t be close enough in proximity, because of my dad’s condition at the time, to help care for her three small grandchildren whose momma had just been bound to a bed. She couldn’t be there to try to coax my youngest into taking a bottle — my baby, who, at the time, was only nine months old and had just lost his only-known food supply because of the medications I now had to take. She couldn’t be there to make us dinner. She couldn’t be there to tie my shoes. She couldn’t wish away my tears. She couldn’t take away my pain.She was helpless to help me, her little girl, in any way other than to pray. And pray, she did. She cast me into the arms of the One who cares for me more deeply than even she. And care, He did.

Becky BennettAnd I was ready for it. I was up for the challenge, resolved not to give in or to let it get me down. I chose joy in the suffering. I chose hope underneath heavy despair. In large part, I was able to make those choices because my mom had spent her life modeling the strength and mercy and joy and hope of Jesus for me.

When I think about letting go, when I think about releasing my daughter into a world of choices and inevitable suffering, I have another choice of my own to make. Will I trust God with her life? Will I believe Him, not just for myself, but for my child, when He says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance,” (James 1:2-3)?

I pray for good friends, kind teachers, and strong mentors to fill the years that are to come for my daughter. I pray that they would draw her towards Christ, rather than away from Him. I am reminded, however, that so often it has been through the least friendly “friends,” through the most difficult teachers, and through the greatest weaknesses in my mentors that I have learned the most about what God’s faithfulness and never-ending love and true wisdom really look like. I pray for a smooth journey and for success for my daughter. I know, though, that it has been on the bumpiest terrain and in some of the most devastating failures that the darkest places in my own heart have been revealed and that I have been healed. Trying times have been the very instruments of my maturity and my ability to press on through further trials. And those trials have been the very influences that cause me to cling more tightly to my Savior.

So, I will cast my cares on Him. I will entrust my child to the tenderhearted God of the most intimate and gracious and life-giving love. To the One who is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and binds up their wounds. As my mind reels with urgency, wondering if I’ve missed something in these years that flew by so quickly, I’m comforted in knowing that my five-year-old does not have to be prepared, right now, for everything she will ever face. She only needs to be ready for today. I will pray her through each moment that I cannot be a part of, and I will be waiting with open arms when she comes running back home at the end of the day.

Beck BennettI will rest knowing that no matter what choices or challenges lie ahead for this little girl, she has already made the most important one that she will ever make: to give her life to Jesus. He will always be with her. He will carry her. He will never let her go. “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day,” (Psalm 46:5).

This beautiful little person didn’t come into the world just to fill my arms. She came to fulfill a destiny. She’s walking out the door. She’s ready. And I think that now I’m ready, too.

 

[line]

[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/4761764740_03ae8d52b0_z.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]FREE Printable from Yellow Sparrow Studio![/custom_headline]

 

PrintableLowResSubscribe to our email newsletter (click HERE), follow us on Instagram (click HERE), like us on Facebook (click HERE), or share our post on any media…and you’ll receive a FREE printable from Yellow Sparrow Studio!!! This custom piece was created just for Becky’s post, and we are so excited to be able to give it to YOU!!!

If you subscribe, we’ll have all the info we need…but if you follow, like, or share, please email awriteheart@gmail.com to let us know your email address!!!

Thanks to Yellow Sparrow Studio for the artwork!!!
[/content_band]
Feature photo attribution: flickr photo by nick.amoscato http://flickr.com/photos/namoscato/8297366194 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

camping, complaining, and the condition of our hearts

My husband, our three kiddos, and I went camping in the Adirondacks a couple of weeks ago. It was a really good trip – the kids are at such great ages for it. We saw bugs and toads and deer and even a black bear! Our son had a whole day of man-time with his daddy in a canoe, and I shopped with my girls in the little town nearby and took them swimming in a lake with the mountains in view. But despite all of the good stuff, my middle daughter found something – no, everything – to complain about.

camping, complaining, and the condition of our heartsLet’s see…She complained that the car was too hot. The trip was too long. Having the windows down was too windy. There was a bug in the car. She was hungry. And thirsty. We were going too fast. The roads were too hilly. It was too hot when we arrived at our camp. And there were bugs in the woods. She was hungry and thirsty. She didn’t get the top bunk. She didn’t like the chairs we had. The fire was too smokey. There weren’t enough water bottles. Her water bottle was dirty. She didn’t want to eat chicken. Or hot dogs. Or sandwiches. She couldn’t use the iPad. She couldn’t go to the bathroom alone. The shower was weird. She wanted to stay up later. The slides at the water park we went to were too steep. The water was too cold. She was hungry and thirsty. She wanted a different towel. Our hike was too long, and it was hot outside. We brought the wrong snacks. She wanted to wear different shoes, but without socks. The ride to and from the hike was too long and hilly. The ride back home was too long, and we went too fast. And she was hungry and thirsty.

I almost. Went. Insane. But God really showed me a LOT from enduring all of that complaining.

Complaining can be expressed in a lot of different ways.

Of course when we think of complaining we think of finding faults or problems with things that aren’t really that big of a deal. But that’s not the only way that we tell others that we’re dissatisfied. My husband and I have movie nights sometimes, and when he picks a movie I don’t like I complain by doing something else while I “watch” the movie. I was at a friend’s house recently and when one of the kids didn’t get the swing they wanted, they complained by refusing to play. If someone feels that a co-worker isn’t pulling their weight, they might complain by gossiping about that person. Complaining takes a lot of different forms, and depending on the circumstance we choose which method will be most effective in communicating it and rallying others to our cause.

Complaining communicates a lot of things about who we are.

Complaining is thanklessness. Complaining is an attitude of entitlement and greed. Complaining is lazy. Complaining is arrogant. And complaining communicates a lack of contentment for what God has provided. It tells other people that we think we are the center of the universe – or at least that we think we should be.

There are things about our lives that are inconvenient, uncomfortable, and irritating – and till we get to heaven there’s nothing we can do about that. But WE are responsible for our responses. God has given us power and freedom to view our circumstances the way He wants us to, and at times even to change our circumstances – and it’s up to us to follow through.

Complaining affects the people who hear it.

There are some activities that many Christians hesitate over because they fear leading others into sin – and that’s a good thing. Drinking and entertainment are a couple of hot topics that come to mind when I think of things that might tempt another Christian to sin. Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8 contain instruction regarding our freedom in Christ, and not allowing our freedoms to cause others to stumble into sin – that is the context that we most often think of causing others to stumble. Sadly, I never – NEVER – considered that complaining might make others more likely to sin. But it does. Mark 9:42 shows us how seriously God takes the matter: “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.” Wow.

Over my week of camping with my glass-half-empty daughter, I responded to her complaining in a variety of ways – some good and some bad. The good mom and Jesus follower in me answered patiently, and disciplined in love. But at other times, I lost my temper, I was sarcastic, I complained about something myself, I gossiped, or I distanced myself in an unloving way. I take ownership for every one of those responses. But what I realized was that when I complain, others are tempted to respond poorly – just like I was. When we complain, we may be causing others to stumble into their own sin in more ways than one. And as for those who are not saved, complaining will keep them from seeing Christ in us. 

Complaining is a condition of the heart.

Complaining is more than just a statement about something we don’t like – it’s a condition of the heart. God is our provider, and the Bible tells us that He will always give us what we need (Luke 12:22-34). So we don’t need more than what He provides for us! Philippians 2:14-15 tells us that we should do all things without complaining so that we can be a light in a dark world…so that we can be set apart…and set apart is what it means to be HOLY! In Philippians 4:11-13 Paul says that he had learned to be content in any and every circumstance, and that he could do all things through Christ who strengthened him – I can only imagine how difficult it was sometimes to be content in jail as he was, and persecuted as he was.  But the same power that rested on Paul rests on us…The same God that empowered Paul empowers us…The same Jesus that saved Paul saved us. And Jesus is enough. Always. If our hearts truly believe that He is enough, we will find nothing to complain about.

My family survived our camping trip, and I’m really glad we went. The same daughter who complained about so much is also the one who is fearless to try new things, who is crazy fun to be around, and who loves to sing songs about Jesus. I feel like God allowed me to catch just a glimpse of what He sees in our hearts when we complain. My prayer is that He will teach me, and all of us, to live a life overflowing with thankfulness toward Him for all that He has graciously given to us.

[custom_headline type=”right” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”]With a grateful heart, Melissa[/custom_headline]

[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/48352229_caf6c84ceb_z.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]Time is running out! Enter our July Giveaway NOW!!![/custom_headline]
With each post we have published in July, Colette has added ONE MORE of her FAVORITE THINGS to this month’s giveaway! As of this post, the giveaway includes: 

Godiva Chocolates,
a SURPRISE gift from Anthropologie,
Dunkin’ Donuts coffee,
Victoria’s Secret hair spray and leave-in conditioner,
a lilac scented Yankee Candle,
and a beautiful salad tong set from anthropologie!

There are THREE WAYS TO ENTER!!!

1. Subscribe to our email newsletter during the month of July – click HERE!
2. Follow us Instagram – click HERE!
3. Tag a friend under any post on our Facebook wall and encourage them to follow, like, or subscribe – click HERE!

You CAN be entered more than once! SUBSCRIBE, FOLLOW, and TAG NOW!!! The giveaway ends this week!!!
[/content_band]

Feature photo attribution: flickr photo by stillwellmike http://flickr.com/photos/stillwellmike/9539948576 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-SA) license

broken arms and broken people

Colette @ awriteheart.comI sat near a group of boys who were watching an internet video of a compilation of people whose bones were being broken. Cell phones had captured footage of athletes, skateboarders, goof-offs, and casual arm wrestlers, each one in excruciating pain. The boys watching were mesmerized by the awful sights. They replayed each incident over and over because the brokenness was shocking. I looked at the video and watched a couple of the nauseating accidents. The injured would see their broken limb, scream and turn away in terror. It actually brought tears to my eyes to watch. I noticed that just about two and a half million people had viewed that particular video. People have a hard time taking their eyes off of brokenness.

This is kind of how I felt reading the news this morning. Broken people giving solutions to broken politics, broken men and women changing their identity, broken people wounding and killing parishioners as they sit in church, broken souls enclosed in broken flesh literally arguing that wrong is right and right is wrong. The last one I read before I slammed the lid of my laptop was about people selling the body parts of aborted babies. Brokenness is defined as “something or someone that is fractured and damaged, no longer in one piece or in working order.” Yep, that about sums up our world.

As Jesus stood and looked over the city of Jerusalem, the Bible says that he wept (Luke 19:41). This word, wept, in its greek translation means more than just sadness. It means that he grieved with his entire being as He looked on the brokenness of those that he came to heal. I wonder what would happen if we grabbed the heart of Jesus for the brokenness of our world. Not anger or hatred…but true grief over brokenness.

In the middle of brokenness we must…

Remember why we are here.

Isaiah 61:6 reminds us that we are called the Priests of the Lord and Ministers of the most High God. We, who were broken and made whole, are given the privilege of tending to the needs of the lost and hurting. We are commanded to bind up broken hearts, to wrap tightly and bandage their wounds.  When we show kindness and love to those who are broken, when we genuinely point them to Jesus, when we cry with them and hold them while they weep…we are binding and wrapping tightly. So often we can only see the ugliness of peoples brokenness and are repelled by it. Instead we must remember that behind the brokenness is a heart and a soul that needs healing and freedom. Needs Jesus.

Remember to proclaim freedom to those who are bound.

We do that by demonstrating it in our lives…in our walk and sincere talk. Many people don’t even know that they need healing. And if they do know it they don’t understand the way to freedom.  But offering hope, not condemnation, will cause them to grab the key to freedom, which is Jesus. Recently a man came into my office and asked “what is it about you Christians? My chiropractor is a Christian, my doctor is a Christian and then you. You are all so happy. What is that all about??” Living out a demonstration of our joy in the Lord is proclaiming freedom in Christ. Isaiah 61:10 says it so amazingly “I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he that clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.”  Everyone notices when people walk around in their wedding garments and Isaiah reminds us that our JOY in the Lord should stand out like this.

Remember to  keep our eyes on Jesus.

If we dwell on brokenness..our past brokenness, others brokenness or this world and its brokenness…we will be overtaken with grief and hopelessness. Through Christ there is healing, hope, life, newness, freedom, joy and complete salvation. Looking at brokenness reminds us of what we are saved from and we must look at it with great joy that the Messiah has come to deliver mankind from the mess of sin. When you look at the sun setting each night and rising each morning, remember that he died and rose again so that we might be set free. And just as the sun brings light to this earth, may we remember to mimic our Savior.  Does the lost world look at how we live and do they see us treat people as Christ did when he walked the earth?  He fed them, talked with them, ate with them, healed them and ministered to them.  Lets keep our eyes on the Son…and be reminded to love others like He did.

Remember that He is the healer and the one to be glorified.

Our help is in the name of the Lord who made heaven and earth. Psalm 124:8.  I love the way this verse reminds us that brokenness is the Creators problem and He is the answer, the help needed and who has a plan to fix it all.  I noticed that each hurting person in the video cried out for help.  “Call 911” or “Call my mom! ”  They called for whoever they knew could help.  Our help really is in God.  Brokenness is ugly and brings with it such terror. With wholeness there is beauty and peace. And yet, God allowed brokenness in order for us to understand wholeness. Which then proclaims His glory. Isaiah 66:5 says “let the Lord be glorified“.  in other words, let him be seen. Show him. Show his goodness and his righteousness. Its all about showing HIM. It amazes me… that a perfect God would take imperfect people in an imperfect world to show Himself. That is incomprehensible, pure grace. Isaiah 66:18 reminds us that one day “…it shall come, that I will gather all nations and tongues; and they shall come and see my glory” Yes, its true that every knee will bow and confess him as Lord. Until then, as we face brokenness, lets commit to glorifying the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Remember the Word of God.

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.  II Chronicles 7:14 We are never told to yell and argue with people over sin.  Gods people are to turn from THEIR OWN wicked ways….. to humble themselves, pray, seek Gods face, turn from their wicked ways, and THEN God will heal the brokeness in our land.

Yes, people have a hard time taking their eyes off brokenness.  But there is good news.   In Isaiah 61:1 it says “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me; because the Lord has anointed me to preach good tidings to the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken hearted to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound…men shall call you the Ministers of God.  It shocks us because what we are seeing, the brokenness in our world, is pretty unbelievable.  Christian, we can’t allow the despair to consume us.  We must respond to it, not in fear and anger, but in love and kindness, proclaiming the good news of Jesus.  We are commanded to do this!  There will be a day when all will be made right but until then, may God be glorified in our ministering to the brokenness of this world.

[custom_headline type=”right” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”]Let your light so shine, Colette[/custom_headline]

[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/48352229_caf6c84ceb_z.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]Our July Giveaway Just Got EVEN BETTER!!![/custom_headline]
With each post we publish in July, Colette will add ONE MORE ITEM to this month’s giveaway! As of this post, the giveaway includes: 

Godiva Chocolates,
a SURPRISE gift from Anthropologie,
Dunkin’ Donuts coffee,
Victoria’s Secret hair spray and leave-in conditioner,
and a lilac scented Yankee Candle!

There are THREE WAYS TO ENTER!!!
1. Subscribe to our email newsletter during the month of July – click HERE!
2. Follow us Instagram – click HERE!
3. Tag a friend under any post on our Facebook wall and encourage them to follow, like, or subscribe – click HERE!

You CAN be entered more than once! SUBSCRIBE, FOLLOW, and TAG NOW!!!
[/content_band]

is yelling at your kids really that bad? part 2

Colette @ awriteheart.comAs an anger management counselor, I have worked with parents who are different in many ways. But similar in the fact that they all love their children, want what is best for them and want them to succeed in life.  However, they could all say the same words as author Julie Ann Barnhill when she writes,  “In fits of uncontrolled anger I have acted and spoken harshly and irresponsibly toward my children and have thought even worse. In the midst of parental rage I have tried to justify what I called ‘discipline’ when in reality I had crossed a shameful unspoken boundary.

In my experience, parents who yell in anger focus only on fixing their children.   I hear them say things like, ” If my kids would do what they are told and what’s expected, if they would clean their rooms and stop fighting with siblings….then I wouldn’t get angry.”   Dealing appropriately with issues such as obedience IS important,  but I strongly believe that parents must fix themselves and manage their anger before they will succeed in changing their children’s behavior.  (Proverbs 25:28)  It’s interesting to me that most abusive and angry parents blame others for their anger and behavior.  But again, the answer lies in managing themselves first and then successfully correcting the normal or strong willed, disobedient, disorganized and/or challenging child.

Parents who yell in anger at their children identify with one or more of the 10 types of parents below:

The frustrated parent

The frustrated parentFrustration is a result of unresolved issues.  A frustrated parent often has more than one problem that needs solving and dealing with children is only one of them.  I suggest to clients that it’s helpful to list  frustrations and stresses and then work on resolving them one issue at a time. Getting someone to help with solutions may also be beneficial.  Not all problems can be erased, but all can be worked on. Suggested reading: Frustration – From Source to Solution: Beating Emotional Cancer by Adrian Brown.

The militant parent

This parent demands absolute and prompt obedience.  Often what they desire is right but their content gets lost in their delivery.  Many times they are more concerned with  behavior and obedience than with relationship. They tend to see immediate obedience as being separate from relationship.  That may be true in settings such as the military, but unfortunately, it isn’t separate when it comes to the parent-child relationship.  Rules without relationship equal rebellion.  Often militant parents are impatient and approach discipline as “my way or the highway”.  Unfortunately, they fail to see their child as an individual with feelings and emotions, but in relationship these two things matter a great deal.  I encourage a strong understanding of Emotional Intelligence with the militant parent.  Suggested Reading: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart to Heart Connection by Danny Silk.

The forgetful parent

This parent forgets two things:  they forget that they are dealing with children who are not mature in their thinking, who need help with problem solving, who are usually acting their age, and who need hours of consistent training to become successful, responsible adults. Secondly, they forget to praise the good behavior of their children.  Often, the forgetful parent overreacts to negative behavior and overlooks positive behavior. Suggested reading: Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel.

The tired parent

The Tired ParentThe tired parent is just too tired to invest in the demands of proper training and discipline of their children. It takes a lot of energy to parent well.  I sit with many parents, problem-solving the underlying issue of being tired.  Sometimes the problem is easily solved…Get more sleep and cut back on nonessential busy-ness. Other times the problem isn’t as easily solved.  Single parents and those who work demanding jobs find it exceptionally hard to find down time.  These parents must find creative ways to rest and get rejuvenated.  Often, it’s a matter of being better organized in order to find the time to rest. Suggested reading: Hope For the Weary Mom by Brooke McGlothin.  Timeout for Tired Moms by Judy Crawford.

The undisciplined parent

This parent finds themselves undisciplined in many areas of their life.  Since they aren’t consistent in self-discipline, they are unable to manage and discipline their children. They resort to yelling in anger because it is the easiest way to react.  The undisciplined parent lacks structure. They may run late for appointments and then demand that everyone else hurry. The solution may be as easy as getting up earlier, making lunches the night before, and planning ahead.  Time management would solve a lot of frustration for the undisciplined parent.  I suggest planning personal schedules with a daytimer. Suggested reading:  Developing Discipline and Self Control by Joyce Meyers.

The powerless parent

This parent may be a passive person who lost control of their children early in childrearing. They give up because they see no way to improve their situation, and they allow the kids to make the rules.  It is important for every parent to lead by example and by consistent training – when children have no one to lead them they make up their own rules based on survival skills. They need parents who are strong in convictions, morals and beliefs.   Suggested reading:  You Can’t Make Me by Cynthia Tobias,  Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp.

The re-creating parent

This parent tends to subconsciously re-create the dysfunctions from their own childhood.  For instance, their parent was a yeller and even though they didn’t like being yelled at, they now yell at their child.  It’s what was instilled in them and then it’s  just easier to do what comes naturally.  I encourage these parents to work hard at breaking the cycle of generational dysfunction – it is possible! Suggested reading: Making Peace With Your Past by Tim sledge,  Healing for Damaged Emotions by David Seamands,  The Sacred Romance by John Eldridge.

The unhealthy parent

The Unhealthy ParentThe unhealthy parent can’t effectively meet the demands of positive and productive child rearing. I suggest that all of my clients get a complete physical to rule out any health reasons that may be contributing to their anger. Many test results have come back with problems of thyroid, hormones, blood sugar or blood pressure.  Once  health problems are corrected, people are then able to properly respond to situations in their demanding lives.  It’s also important to eat right and exercise in order to be a strong and healthy person. There may be other areas in which a parent is unhealthy: addictions, substance abuse, emotional disorders or mental health issues. Whatever it is that is causing a parent to be unhealthy must be dealt with and managed. Suggested reading: What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do: Bad Habits and Addictions by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend,  TouchPoints for Recovery by Ronald Beers and Amy Mason.

The angry parent

This parent has internal anger that is not being addressed and resolved. Internal anger is due to something from the past or present and has turned into bitternness. Bitterness, the Bible says, defileth a man.  This type of anger can stay dormant for a long time, but it always surfaces. It either turns inward and shows itself as depression…or it turns outward and it shows as explosive, mean and or short-fused reactions towards things, animals or people. Suggested reading: Anger Controlled Parenting by Vivian Lamphear and Sherry Marlar,  When Anger Hurts Your Kids: A Parent’s Guide by Matthew McKay Phd and Kim Paleg, Phd. Suggested action: Find a safe place to talk where anger can be exposed and dealt with, preferably with a Christian counselor or psychologist.

The spiritually weak parent

The spiritually weak parent will struggle in all aspects of life and especially in childrearing.  It’s best to look at the opposite approach in order to understand what a spiritually weak parent is not.  The spiritually strong parent, one who knows Jesus as Savior and continually grows in Christ, makes a happier and more stable parent.  They follow the handbook of life, the Bible, and are given grace to accomplish what they are called to do as leaders.  Their greatest example of parenting is pictured through God the Father. Following His example of unconditional love, patience, and correct discipline is by far the most excellent path to follow. Suggested reading: Done by Cary Schmidt, The Shaping of a Christian Family by Elisabeth Elliot.

[line]

Melissa @ awriteheart.comRight now I have three kids at home, and on any given day I can fit into any one of the categories listed above. Yesterday morning I was militant, today I’m tired, and because of an event later in the week I know I’ll tend to be frustrated and stressed. I used to fit into MORE of these categories MORE of the time, and my kids behaved no better. By seeking God about my relationships with my kids and by truly seeking to act more like Jesus myself, I can see changes in how I behave AND in how my kids behave. YES they need discipline, and a lot of it! But discipline motivated by love for a child and by obedience to the Lord will be more successful than discipline motivated by anger.

Happy Kid!None of us will ever be perfect parents, but be encouraged! Your kids are resilient, your kids LOVE YOU, and they WILL forgive you! Mine forgive me all the time! If you messed up today, repent and ask for forgiveness – from God and from your kids. Ask the Lord for a better tomorrow, and believe that He can do a work in your heart.  The Lord CAN change the relationships you have with your kids!

 

[line]

Yes, yelling at your kids in anger is really that bad.  But it ‘s a new day!  We encourage you to be the best parent you can possibly be.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.

[custom_headline type=”right” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”]Change our hearts O Lord, Colette & Melissa[/custom_headline]

Read Part 1 of “Is Yelling at Your Kids Really That Bad?” HERE

[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/7974659789_debca388a4_z.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]We’re giving you ONE MORE DAY!!![/custom_headline]

Subscribe to our email newsletter TODAY, July 1st, and be entered to win a basket full of gifts from Kate Foster! On mobile scroll to the end of any post to subscribe…On a desktop, subscribe on the right sidebar or in the footer below. OR just click HERE and we’ll do the work for you!

If you’ve already subscribed, enter by tagging a friend under any post on our Facebook wall and encourage them to subscribe – the more the merrier!

giftbasketkateKate’s gift basket includes a Foster Happiness designed coffee mug, gift tags and a framed Bible verse. There is also 1 set of Jamberry nail wraps, manicure set, a Zambian wall hanging, and coffee and candle donated from Cafe Macchiato in Spencerport, NY!

Sign up today!

[/content_band]

is yelling at your kids really that bad?

Colette @ awriteheart.comShe brought an audio recording. Although it was her husband who had secretly recorded her while he was away at work, it was she who freely pressed play for me to hear. In the recording she was screaming. Screaming at her three young children. Out-of- control screaming, name calling and cursing. As an anger management counselor I have heard many recordings. None of them shock me but they all affect me. Usually they are brought to me from a partner or an older child. They want me to understand what is happening in their home and hope that if someone can hear what they live through, then maybe they can help. Tears streamed down her face and I held back mine as we listened to the screaming that went on and on. I heard babies in the background, the little ones who somehow provoked her to such rage. They were crying and one was begging her to stop. When the recording ended she looked up at me. She was now the one doing the begging. For help.

I have heard so many excuses as to why a parent screams.
I know I shouldn’t scream but I had a bad day“,
“I wasn’t feeling good“,
I am just so stressed out”,
yelling is in my heritage and it’s in my blood”,
the women in our family are screamers”,
the men in our family have always yelled”,
they just got under my last nerve”,
he pressed my buttons”.
Although parents often feel bad for screaming, the excuses make them feel better… justified… and  lessens the guilt.

The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training in this verse doesn’t just mean good behavior, it means bad behavior as well.

[custom_headline type=”center” level=”h3″ looks_like=”h3″]Nine major consequences to children when parents scream in anger: [/custom_headline]

They will scream at others .

You are modeling and training your child how to treat others.

They will  live on a roller coaster of their emotions.

is yelling at your kids really that bad?You are showing them how to respond wrongly to emotions, such as frustration, anger, and annoyance, etc.  The most successful people in the world are people who have high emotional intelligence (ability to use emotions intelligently and to read other peoples emotions).  It is said to even rank higher on the scale than IQ.  People who can control their emotions are stable and wise.

They will become poor problem solvers.

You are training your child to scream and yell instead of problem solve whatever the issue at hand is.  One woman stated that she was screaming at her girls to stop screaming at each other.  She realized that her screaming was not going to fix the problem.

 They will feel insecure and shamed.

By screaming at your child in anger you are planting shame within them.  It takes hold and produces the fruit of insecurity.

 They will be confused about what real love is and learn to push others away.

When children are shown both love and hate by their parent it causes children to be confused and afraid to trust people.  They also learn quickly how to disconnect from others.  It will negatively affect their future marriages, relationships and general well being.

They will be internally, and often externally, angry and rebellious.

child yellingYelling causes defensive walls to go up and deposits seeds of resentment into a childs heart.  Many times children who grow up with a yelling parent will  have deep, underlying hatred for that parent; anger will be returned.  It will negatively affect the parent/child relationship 100% of the time.

 They will learn to sin towards others.

The Bible tells us to be angry and sin not. The anger itself is NOT the sin. Yet, many fail to see that yelling and screaming at another person in anger is sin.

They will be fearful and struggle with the proper view of God.

The parent-child relationship is suppose to be used as a positive picture to show the relationship between Abba Father and the child of God.  Children who are raised with stable, kind, loving, fair disciplinarians rarely struggle with God the Father and His characteristics.

They will feel unsafe.

Yelling parents are not safe and good relationship takes consistent safety.

I heard a man say recently “That boy deserves to be screamed at!” My blood boiled. Oh, is that right Mr. Foolish man? Yes, a child needs to be properly disciplined and trained. Yes, a child needs to be sternly corrected. But a child should never be screamed at in anger. Part of the definition of abuse is: language that condemns or vilifies (shouting, use of foul or abusive language towards another) usually unjustly, intemperately and angrily. So according to the dictionary, yelling in anger at your child is abuse.

A highschool guidance counselor, after hearing me speak on this subject, said that he is guilty of screaming at his own kids in anger. He said “ I don’t have any intention of stopping. My kids better just do what I say or else!”.   Why in the world would anyone ever think that this is good, productive parenting? It’s true that you may get your child to obey out of fear, but you will lose their heart. And when you lose their heart, you lose relationship.  You lose influence.  You lose them.  You lose, period.

Save your yelling for positive parenting – before your child runs into the road or falls into deep water. Use your yelling voice to get your child’s attention and for his safety instead of a way to explode your frustrations, thus giving way to their dysfunction.  I wonder….What if you were being secretly recorded while disciplining your child? Would you allow someone else to yell at your kids the way you do?  What if your authority yelled at you the way that you yell at your kids?

Is yelling at your kids really that bad?  YES.  I have worked closely with angry people and their families for 16 years and my answer again is “yes”.  I have seen many people change when they understand the seriousness of their behavior , when consequences are explained to them and when they realize that screaming is a choice.

Parents, do what it takes to positively train and effectively communicate with your children. The choice is yours!

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be” –Thomas A’Kempis

[custom_headline type=”right” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”]Take my lips and let them be consecrated Lord to thee,  Colette[/custom_headline]

[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/6465169545_619c9099d5_z.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]Enter to Win Our June Giveaway![/custom_headline]

Subscribe to our email newsletter during the month of June and be entered to win a basket full of gifts! On mobile scroll to the end of any post to subscribe…On a desktop, subscribe on the right sidebar or in the footer below. OR just contact us HERE and we’ll do the work for you!

If you’ve already subscribed, enter by tagging a friend under any post on our Facebook wall @ https://www.facebook.com/awriteheart and encourage them to subscribe!

giftbasketkateThis gift basket includes a “Foster Happiness” designed coffee mug, gift tags and a framed Bible verse. There is also 1 set of Jamberry nail wraps, manicure set, a Zambian wall hanging, and coffee and candle donated from Cafe Macchiato in Spencerport, NY!

Sign up today!

[/content_band]

what the prodigal’s father did right

Colette @ awriteheart.comI got on my knees in front of her.  I had never in my life seen such grief.  I prayed outloud what she could not.  She couldn’t form the words because her heart was broken.  I entered in to another woman’s sorrow that day and we prayed in unison of heart for her son.

The Bible says (3 John 1:4) that there is no greater joy than to hear that your children walk in truth.  Which means, there is no greater heartache when they do not.  I have cried, prayed and counseled with many Christian parents whose older children have become prodigals; who wastefully or extravagantly live in sin.  Heartbroken and confused parents who begged God for years to keep their precious children from sin; parents who dedicated their little ones to God and His service.  In Luke 15:11-32 we see where the father of the prodigal son did many things right and parents can learn so much from him.

He didn’t withhold anything from his son.

Luke 15:12 He didn’t say things like “if you live like this you are out of the will!” Instead, he treated him as his child whether or not his son was in sin or whether he was living right. When his son decided to leave, his father did not demand that he return the inherited money.  The father gave him his inheritance, he gave him his time, and he gave him his love.

He didn’t disown him.

He never said “if you choose to live like this you are not my son!” Instead, the door to his home and to relationship stayed open.

He welcomed him with open arms.

Luke 15:20 He never said “You are only welcome back when you clean yourself up”. Instead, he welcomed him before he knew that his son was out of sin and home to stay. He saw him from afar and he rejoiced that his son was coming home.  The Bible says that when he saw his son coming home, he ran to him!  This shows such love on this fathers part. He was just happy to be with his son and that his son was home.  The Bible says that the father rejoiced and killed the fatted calf and had a party for his sons return “because he hath received him safe and sound”.  I can almost feel his relief through the pages of the story.

He waited.

He didn’t plan and figure out how and when he was going to preach truth to his son. Instead, he waited for God to work in his sons’ life. Many parents want to instruct their wayward children at every turn and remind them of all that they are doing wrong. This wise man was still and waited for God to work in his sons’ life. It says in Scripture that the Prodigal Son came to himself, came to his senses, when he was eating with the pigs. Not when his father was preaching to him about his sin. This wise father let God do a work in his sons’ heart. And God did it in the pigpen among the dirt and the slop.

He didn’t let his emotions rule his actions.

He didn’t yell at his son when he chose to leave and live in sin.  He didn’t chase after him and remind him over and over of his sin. Instead, he controlled his emotions and his actions. I believe this is one of the hardest things to do.  Good parents strive to keep their young ones from sin.  It is heartbreaking to watch a child, the one that you love, go down a destructive path. But I see where this wise father did not allow his sons actions to rule his emotions. He didn’t go after his son with strong emotion.  In fact, he didn’t go after him at all.   It is evident that he felt strong emotion by the way that he rejoiced when his son came home. But, he used his emotions for rejoicing instead of negative, out of control, or manipulative behavior.

He rested in the fact that he had trained him in the ways of the Lord.

He didn’t keep instructing, instead he rested in the fact that he had already done that. When a child is wayward the only thing he may accept from a parent at this time is unconditional love. He won’t hear reprimands, warnings, Bible verses or instruction. Those things are all good but a backslidden son or daughter is not open to them when they have chosen sin. Love covers a multitude of sins and unconditional love must cover a child who is in sin.

I spoke with a young man who had been raised in church, who had accepted Christ as his Savior, he knew the Bible stories and was raised by Godly parents.  Even so, he became a prodigal.  After living for a long season in sin he came back to the Lord.  He told me that he was at a Lady Gaga concert, of all places, when the Holy Spirit began to work in his heart.  Lady Gaga said something about there not being a God.  That statement stuck in his heart.  He kept thinking “who is she to say that?  Am I going to take her word for whether there is a God or not???”  Eventually those thoughts turned to “There is a God and what in the world am I doing?”  Just like the prodigal son, he came to the end of himself.  He is now a changed man living his life for Jehovah God.  But in the pig trough is where God got ahold of this young man’s heart.

Many times God allows a prodigal to go down their destrictive path so that God becomes real to him.  So that God becomes their God and not just the God of thier parents.  God creates a testimony in all of his children.  In the story of the prodigal son, this son had so much blessing and didn’t realize what he had until he had nothing but God.

Don’t give up in despair, parents!  God loves your child even more than you do.  His children, Adam and Eve, had everything they ever needed.  God had given them perfection and they ended up choosing sin. God the Father loved them unconditionally!  He also loves your child unconditionally.  Keep praying and believing!  I know that as long as there is breath, there is hope. Prayer achieves the miraculous…I have seen it over and over again!

[custom_headline type=”right” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h4″ accent=”true”]You never let go, Colette[/custom_headline]
[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/6465169545_619c9099d5_z.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]A June giveaway from our guest blogger, Kate![/custom_headline]

Subscribe to our email newsletter during the month of June and be entered to win a basket full of gifts from our guest blogger, Kate! On mobile scroll to the end of any post to subscribe…On a desktop, subscribe on the right sidebar or in the footer below. OR just use the “Contact Us” tab in the main menu and we’ll do the work for you!

If you’ve already subscribed, tag a friend under a post on our Facebook wall @ https://www.facebook.com/awriteheart and encourage them to subscribe – the more the merrier!

giftbasketkateKate’s gift basket includes Foster Happiness designed coffee mug, gift tags and a framed Bible verse. There is also 1 set of Jamberry nail wraps, manicure set, a Zambian wall hanging, and coffee and candle donated from Cafe Macchiato in Spencerport, NY!

Sign up today!

[/content_band]

six awesome things we can learn from little kids

Melissa @ awriteheart.comWhen each of my three children were toddlers, there were so many moments when I thought to myself, “I need to be more like them!” In Matthew 18:1-4 Jesus even drew attention to the attributes of children, and told us to be humble and teachable like they are! Here are six things about little kids that we as adults can learn from.

They’re IN THE MOMENT.

My husband and I went to P.F.Changs restaurant a while back and we had to wait to be seated. There were probably twenty adults and a handful of teens in the waiting area, and every single face reflected the blue glow of a phone screen. Once we were in the dining room I even saw people on their phones while eating. These people were AT the restaurant, but they weren’t really THERE…Their minds were somewhere else.

six awesome thing we can learn from little kidsKids are where they are…When they play, they’re so involved that they forget to go to the bathroom. When they eat food they love, they enjoy it so much that they don’t think about how much of the food is all over their faces. When they sing, they sing with all the volume their little bodies can muster. Maybe every so often we should do the same thing and just be where we are – no phones, no multi-tasking, no planning ahead. Maybe we should just enjoy what’s right in front of us instead of worrying about what we’re missing or what’s coming next.

They remember everything.

I’m always amazed at how my kids remember who gave them each and every toy that they have…They remember who took them for ice cream, which kid was sick yesterday at school, and the vacation we took four years ago. It makes me feel special when they remember things about our experiences that even I have forgotten. Remembering is a discipline for adults, and our brains aren’t soaking up information like those of little people, but we should make a point to remember what is important to us and to others. It makes those around us feel special.

They forgive AND forget.

There are days when I really believe that my kids are going to hate me. There are those impatient, short-tempered, pull-my-hair-out, just-yelled-at-daddy days when I’m pretty sure they’ll think differently of me. But they never do. They forgive me immediately! They never act as though I owe them anything, and the next morning they see a new day ahead of them instead of an awful day behind them. It’s hard to forget, but be generous with your forgiveness – just like Christ is with you.

They love like crazy.

Whether it’s a stuffed toy that they adore or a person they see every day, small children love with every fiber of themselves. They don’t consider the risks, and they don’t ever think about whether a person is doing “their part” in the relationship. You KNOW they love you – they make it obvious to you and to everyone around them. They give big huge hugs. They seek your attention. They are excited to see you, and sad when you leave. They talk about you. They imitate you. They ask about you. There is NO QUESTION that you’re in their little hearts. I think if we loved like a little kid for seven days, our whole life would change.

They don’t compare.

six awesome things we can learn from little kidsMy kids have a multi-racial extended family, as well as friends with physical disabilities. They rarely mention differences between themselves and these other individuals. They’ve asked for explanations here and there, but otherwise they don’t see it as something important enough to discuss all that much. Physically, racially, and economically, kids just see people as people. No better or worse. They find value in people not because of how they perform, what they look like, or how much they own, but because of who they really are. We, too, should see people first as people, instead of categorizing, comparing, and labeling.

They are who they are.

My daughter used to go to the grocery store with me wearing an IronMan costume. Every time. People loved it – they waved and she waved, and she thought it was just the best thing ever. No one else in the store was wearing a costume, but she wanted to wear it anyways. No regrets, no apologies, no embarrassment.  Psalm 139:13-16 says that God saw us and knew us before we were born, and formed us to be who we are . There ARE things that we shouldn’t be proud of – sinful things that don’t please Him. But He made us to be unique people, and sometimes I think we’re more apt to conform and change who we are so that we fit in to the group around us. Be proud of the person you were made to be, just like my little girl was proud to be IronMan.

Most of the time we think of kids as just what they are – kids! After all, they’re the ones who are learning to be more mature, and rarely do we consider them role models. But maybe we should learn a thing or two from the simplicity and authenticity of little children, and be just like them!

Matthew 18:2-4 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

[share title=”Share this post, and help us point others to Jesus!” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” google_plus=”true” pinterest=”true” email=”true”]

[content_band style=”color: #fff;” bg_image=”http://www.awriteheart.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/3425333802_f71bd441d6_b.jpg” parallax=”true” border=”all” inner_container=”true”] [custom_headline style=”margin-top: 0; color: #fff;” level=”h4″ looks_like=”h3″]Time is running out! Subscribe today![/custom_headline]

Subscribe to our email newsletter during the month of May  and be entered to win a basket full of Melissa’s favorite things! On mobile scroll to the end of any post to subscribe…On a desktop, subscribe on the right sidebar. Or just use the “Contact Us” tab in the main menu and we’ll do the work for you!

The giveaway includes:

-A Relevant Magazine subscription
-“Living the Cross Centered Life” by C.J.Mahaney
-Tommy Girl perfume
-a honeysuckle jar candle
-EOS lip balm
-a springy scarf
-a $5 McDonald’s gift card (for a Filet O’ Fish, of course!)
-a decorative metal bowl

Sign up today!

[/content_band]